I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The feeling are messing with the penis
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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