i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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