it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am puke
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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