just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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