My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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