The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
