You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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