hell yes lets make some ravioli
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
