She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
