I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
