There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
