Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
