Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
