my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
