If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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