also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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