I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
