Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
