i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
