i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
