Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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