stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
