You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
