so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
