Having a random hookup so left but love u
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We're too hungover to prance.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
