living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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