i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
