I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
50% drunk capacity currently
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
