Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
