And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Panties = found
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