Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
