never play flip cup with pint glasses
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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