do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
