is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
