WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
