Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
