i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
