All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
