Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
soo... how was my night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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