Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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