Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
