he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
