Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
