Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
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