Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
