I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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