i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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