Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
