i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
