I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
