Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
