so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
