I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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