Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
